Choices, Time, and life just a bit out of control.

Well, all right, a LOT out of control. What IS this thing called control, and do I even want it?

Too many choices, too many opportunities, and an embarrassment of riches! 

I still feel the urge to journal and paint...

I love learning, and I am a sucker for books...but I have way, way more than I'll ever be able to read, on a wide variety of subjects. 

And then there are the online courses and classes and videos and groups and seminars and docu-series and workshops and webinars and membership programs and "summits" that capture my interest or curiosity...

I am currently in two membership programs and managed to pass on another one yesterday, a supporter of two Patreons with lots of wonderful offerings I am behind on, taking a class in February that requires preparation NOW (and it's fun and fascinating so of couse I make time!), finishing up a course I was behind in, and signed up for gnomonworkshops.com for a month or two to learn some new techniques for sculpting...

...and of course there are my own projects. The sewing, the character dolls, cooking, fermenting, herbalism, tinctures, journaling, painting, meditation, qi gong, tai chi, healing modalities...

This is Faeana Fawkes, who appeared in my imagination last summer and would NOT let go...

Who knew Faeana would bring so many more along with her?!  She was the result of a meditation or a shamanic journey after 3 years of foxes appearing in my life.

She was followed by a number of others, including these two soft-sculpture stuffed foxy girls, Joyful and her sister Studious. 

And then there's sewing for myself...

 
And Joseph...

He loves his warm, cozy short robe...

 

And eco-dyeing, one of the courses I'll be taking...there's a Daily Om one, too (and another Daily Om that Joseph would like to take together)...

I AM getting better at hitting delete delete delete DELETE on lists and offerings and courses, and even book temptations, and  I'm unsubscribing right, left, and center (how DID I get on so many mailing lists?!?), but even so...my poor brain feels like a bit of tasty snack food with a bunch of seagulls gathering to nibble it madly (and noisily!) to bits.  

Awake before five this morning trying to think WHICH of the many things to do...and here it is mid-morning and I've accomplished very little.  Paralyzed by choices...and by the internet...

I can't count the times I have aimed for more focus, stillness, attention, Presence...

"Be here now," Ram Dass entreated us, many years ago.  But where is here...?

Creativity, Simplifying, and "Jobligations"--Insights, Day 20 and 21

I have realized I am capable of turning every project into a job, an obligation, imaginary or otherwise...hence my new brand-new, freshly-coined word, "jobligation."  And in fact tend to do so.  It's a habit with me.

Just what this 31 days was NOT supposed to be.  I haven't simplified, I haven't stayed in the moment, I've only occasionally felt really part of the nature I was in.  Instead I have added one more project...and feeling pressured, as I have when I've taken on jobligations in the past.

I said I might not post every day, I said I might just share a sketch or a short poem, or a thought.  Or nothing at all...

...and then I made it a job--a discipline--to post a journal entry every day, taking photos or making notes, not so much BEING there as thinking what I'd put in my blog that day.  Creativity suffered as did mindfulness, and my goal got lost in the shuffle.  I recognized my tendency, again.

I've enjoyed it, I'm still enjoying it, but I am refocusing before it's too late on what this time needs to be, for me.

So now, two days' worth, and we'll see what else might be shared.  I'll still BE there, but making it into work...didn't work!

The bridge, with pigment from stones found just downstream...

A Japanese suzuri or ink stone works well for grinding small amounts...

Hematite and gum Arabic

My little rechargeable fan turned out to be a lifesaver, on the 20th...that day came closest to being what I had aimed for in the first place.

Recapturing a treasured memory of fresh peaches and long walks...20 years ago and more.

This journal page was a struggle...everything fought me.  My pen, the paper, which buckled on that humid morning, my watercolors...washes took forever to dry.  My colors were muddy...so NOT relaxing and fun...

In the heat and humidity, my materials fought me and detracted from the experience of BEING there, yesterday, contstanting distracting me...frustrating me...

Shoes off, glasses off, NOT trying to work...

Beautiful blue chicory...

Joe Pye Weed along the lane

And so, two days have gone by.  The weather was a big part of it...since heat exhaustion some years back I just don't handle heat well.  I hit the wall after yesterday's hotter, stiller, thicker morning, and spent the rest of the day reading, resting, drinking cherry water, and recuperating.  Listening to my body.  Listening to my heart, and my soul, and re-focusing.

It's been a long, long time!

Hello, all...it's been a long, BUSY time since I've been here. I've done videos for YouTube and for my class for Danny Gregory's Sketchbook Skool, I'm working on a new North Light book on sketching on the spot, there's been a death in the family--my older sister, which threw me for a loop, though it was not unexpected.

There's been growth and change...I'm very active on Facebook, both in our Artist's Journal Workshop group and on my own pages, both personal and professional, as well as in our Urban Sketchers groups, Plein Air Artists, and Nature Artists groups.

I'm still on Flickr, too...crazy, yes?

And I've been trying to focus and simplify.  I realized I wanted to share more of my work and thoughts with you in a calmer, more comtemplative way, and realized I already have THIS blog, ready and waiting.  It was intended to be my gallery, but I'm not so great at keeping up with that.

I've been leaning more in the direction of calm, meditation, focusing, as I've said.  I even offered a video for my latest mini-class, Keeping an Artist's Journal, on Journaling, Contemplation, and Meditation.  That's so important to me that I made it public instead of only for my students.

You'll find more recent videos in my YouTube channel as well--I had a LOT left over from the upcoming class, and I wanted to offer them to you.

Looks like I NEED to focus, doesn't it?  Finishing up some of these projects has felt SO good and SO freeing.  And it reminds me that I need to say no more often--even to myself--for my own sanity.

Breathe, Kate, BREATHE...and as one of my favorite meditation CDs suggests, begin again.  Begin again.  Begin again...

So bear with me, peek over my shoulder, and if you're interested, come along for the ride--or, truthfully, more of a walking meditation.  This may not be regular as clockwork, but it feels right...