I have realized I am capable of turning every project into a job, an obligation, imaginary or otherwise...hence my new brand-new, freshly-coined word, "jobligation." And in fact tend to do so. It's a habit with me.
Just what this 31 days was NOT supposed to be. I haven't simplified, I haven't stayed in the moment, I've only occasionally felt really part of the nature I was in. Instead I have added one more project...and feeling pressured, as I have when I've taken on jobligations in the past.
I said I might not post every day, I said I might just share a sketch or a short poem, or a thought. Or nothing at all...
...and then I made it a job--a discipline--to post a journal entry every day, taking photos or making notes, not so much BEING there as thinking what I'd put in my blog that day. Creativity suffered as did mindfulness, and my goal got lost in the shuffle. I recognized my tendency, again.
I've enjoyed it, I'm still enjoying it, but I am refocusing before it's too late on what this time needs to be, for me.
So now, two days' worth, and we'll see what else might be shared. I'll still BE there, but making it into work...didn't work!
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| The bridge, with pigment from stones found just downstream... |
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| A Japanese suzuri or ink stone works well for grinding small amounts... |
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| Hematite and gum Arabic |
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| My little rechargeable fan turned out to be a lifesaver, on the 20th...that day came closest to being what I had aimed for in the first place. |
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| Recapturing a treasured memory of fresh peaches and long walks...20 years ago and more. |
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| This journal page was a struggle...everything fought me. My pen, the paper, which buckled on that humid morning, my watercolors...washes took forever to dry. My colors were muddy...so NOT relaxing and fun... |
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| In the heat and humidity, my materials fought me and detracted from the experience of BEING there, yesterday, contstanting distracting me...frustrating me... |
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| Shoes off, glasses off, NOT trying to work... |
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| Beautiful blue chicory... |
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| Joe Pye Weed along the lane |
And so, two days have gone by. The weather was a big part of it...since heat exhaustion some years back I just don't handle heat well. I hit the wall after yesterday's hotter, stiller, thicker morning, and spent the rest of the day reading, resting, drinking cherry water, and recuperating. Listening to my body. Listening to my heart, and my soul, and re-focusing.
